12-27-11

I don't know why this types highlighted, just the way the letter came, but it's still an amazing letter!

Hey fam!

       Hey fam!  How was Christmas?  Tell me everything!  I hope you had a great day and that every body felt the true love of Christ.  I can not say that I never wanted the presents or that the food and games and everything were amazing, but I can honestly say now that after giving all that up and focusing on our savior that I have never felt his spirit this strong before on Christmas.  The second that Elder Bednar stepped into the room the spirit was so strong and I couldn't deny what I felt.  He hadn't even spoke yet. It was absolutely amazing to hear him and his wife speak.  I had never been in the same room as one of the twelve so this was an experience that I will never forget.  He talked about how we need to start to search the scriptures and learn OF Christ not learn ABOUT Christ. We need to focus on the characteristics and the things that he felt and believed in his life. not just look at all the things he did and say wow that was amazing!  One of the things that hit me the strongest was when he compared the natural man to the cookie monster.  hahaha he made the voice and everything and said "I want cookie NOW!!!"  He didn't want to wait.  He didn't care what he had to do to get it, all he knew was that he wanted it right then and there and did not want to have to wait for it.  I realized that I am that way some times with my prayers.  I want the answer or the gift right then.  I don'twant to wait for God to make it his time. I wanted it now!  But as I sit back and thought about it, that's not fair. He has done so many things for me and has given me so many chances in life.  I need to be patient and just keep praying to God and show him my faith that I am willing to wait but also that I know that in time he is going to give it to me.  But out of all the things that he said on Sunday the one thing that I will never forget is when he quoted Elder Holland.  He slammed his fist down on the pulpit and pointed straight at us. (it felt like he pointed right at me)  He slammed it down and said "YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT!!!  YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO GO INACTIVE AFTER YOUR MISSION!!"  I had never thought about that. I don't plan on going inactive when I get home, but the way he said that, him being Elder Bednar who is so soft spoken, really made me realize that he was right.  We as missionaries are symbols of the church.  He told us that if someone didn't know much about the church and someone asked them what they knew, most would say that they knew we had missionaries that walked around teaching people.  That's about all they know. All they know is what they see.  We as missionaries are what they see.  So saying that, what would they think if after ten or twenty years they look us up to thank us or they see us on the street and realize that wearen't even active in the church anymore!  What does that say about all the things you taught them?  We don't have the right to go inactive! We don't have the right to not do exactly what we are asked.  I wish I had realized that three years ago when I was not the best example to people.  I didn't have the right to not have the name ofChrist "tatooed" to my chest.  To stand as a witness to his gospel and to be the one that is the example of the believers.   The next topic that he hit, was how having a testimony of the gospel is no longer enough.  Missionaries used to be able to come and have a testimony and do fine. That is not the case anymore.  If you have a testimony but am not fully converted to the lord why are you there? You must be fully converted to this.  As I thought about that, I realized that yes I do have a sure fire testimony of the gospel.  If anybody asked if it was true I would stand at gun point and tell them that it is!  But I realized that that is no longer enough.  I need to be converted and not only be able to tell someone it is true but to show them that it was true!  I need to start acting like I know that the churh is true through the things that I do and by the way that I act.  Now don't get me wrong I am not acting bad. But there are a few things that I have done or acted like that is not fully converted or that is an example to the other guys.  The guys here really look to me for advice. Even though I am the worst at the language for things like how to deal with their comp or how to study their scriptures in the best way- they like to come to my room and talk to me about it.  So I don't have the right to not be the best example possible for them!  I need to be the one that even if I'm not thought of as "cool" I'm seen as the one that is the example of exact obedience.  That is what matters most to me now.  I dont care if people here think that I am cool or that I'm the best.  I care only that God sees me as one of his elect and that he could call on me at any momment for anything and I would do it! no questions asked no hesitation.  I would be there to do anything and everything in my power to get it done!

      So now a little bit about the language.  It is still one terribly hard language and some days I just want to call it quits and ask to go English speaking. But I read my call and my patriartical blessing every night and I know that this is where I am supposed to go! I don't care how long it takes I am going to speak this language!  My teacher pulled me out of the class room one day when I was just kinda zoning out and told me that I need to not do that anymore.  He said elder you don't realize what I see in you do you? I asked what he saw and he told me that out of all the missionaries he has taught for the past four of five years he has not seen a mssionary that can teach with the spirit as well as I can. He said now yes your Cebuano is not where it should be, but you are so above everyone with the spiritual lessons that you need to understand that.  The people in the Philippines are not going to want to be lectured about gospel topics.  They aren't going to want to sit there and have you just tell them what you know and understand.  These people are poor and have nothing.  They just want a friend. Someone that they can talk to about their problems and that will listen to them.  They want to feel the spirit and know that it is real. They don't care if you can say it perfectly in Cebuano. But if you can help them to feel the spirit and the love that our savior has for them, they will be converted for life. They will love you for bringing them that spirit.  So after we talked we said a prayer and I feel much better about myself. Yes I struggle with the language but who cares!?  I need to keep working hard at it because when I do my teachers believe that I am going to be able to change lives!  I am going to be able to go over the the Philippines and leave a name for myself that will never be forgotten. I am so truly excited to go serve these people!  I have been so humbled already by the stories that I hear and the pictures that I see that I cannot wait to be able to go and spread this word of good cheer to that nation!

    It is my prayer that we will all strive to be fully converted to the savior through our actions more than our words.  I always struggled with that, but I hope that through my emails and through my testimony that you will all be able to feel and see the change that has come upon me.  I am not the person I used to be nor do I ever want to be again.  I am a servant of a just God and I am like a kid in a candy shop.  I know without a dout in my heart that this church is true.  We were asked the other day how we would feel if we got word that one of the 12 fell away from the church. We all said that we would question things after that. The guy that was giving the talk told us that it would not faze him at all because his testimony is not of the 12.  His testimony is not of the people in the ward or of his wife or kids. His testimony is of Jesus Christ the son of God and nothing that happens in this world could make his testimony fall.  Guys we have the truth and we have the power! I have given a few blessings while here in the mtc and have been given some.  I have seen the miracles of the priesthood and know that we have the same power that Christ had as he was on the earth. All we need now is the faith that he had that what he said would be given. This is my humble prayer to our father that he will bless me with the faith to stand and that you all will feel of the truth and of Gods love for you. He knows you personally and has felt your pains everyone of them! Please always stay true to yourselves and know that I love you and pray for you every night! Love you all.

 

With much love,

Elder Mackay Dale Shelley