6-16-13

Dear family and friends,

I'm not sure where to even start! I'm not totally sure that everyone that I email is aware, but I got word this past Friday from my Mission President that my Grandpa had passed away. This came as a complete shock to me, and honestly it hurt pretty bad.. ok it hurt really bad! I am not totally sure how, but I was able to call home and talk to my family that night and check up with everyone. Everyone is doing ok, at least as well as we could be dealing with the fact that we had just lost the man that we were all so very close to. Just a quick update on how I am doing, is a LOT better today then I had been this past two days. I don't think I slept much or at all Friday or Saturday. I tried to talk to my companions about how I was feeling, but they really didn't understand, and I think that it was so awkward for them, that they just kept changing the conversation and talking about something else. I didn't know where else to turn, so I called Elder Siegel in the other San Fran zone and tried to go out there to see and talk with him. He was busy all day with lessons and didn't have time, so I was left to my own thoughts and feelings that weren't doing anything but causing pain and heart ache. President finally called me that night to see how I was, and when he realized how hard it was for me, he made plans to come to our ward on Sunday and to sit down with me during Sunday school and talk it out. I had been asked to speak in sacrament meeting, and my topic was fathers and the examples that I had at home!. That was not coming together at all, cause the only thing that I could think about was Grandpa and it hurt so bad to even think about it, that I couldn't prepare. I have never prayed so hard in my life I don't think as I have the past few days. I knew that I needed God and I needed Christ to really get through this time! Like President had told me, he said you need to take your time to mourn. Cry! Punch your pillow! Do whatever you need to do to be able to get out the anger or the feelings that you are feeling, and then PRAY! You need to hit your knees and beg for the spirit to be able to get through to you! You need to be able to teach and do your missionary work, without loosing your great memories of your Grandpa! I found myself praying all day long. I never really stopped. I couldn't or things would just get harder and harder. So Sunday President came to church to hear me talk. Elder Packer of the quorum of the 70 actually came also to see how I was and to hear my talk. He told me that I did a heck of a job, and that he was actually worried to follow it and have to share a few words! Isn't that cool?!?! I thought that it was a great compliment especially since I could barely talk through my whole talk. Well afterwards, President sat me down with Sister Meredith and told me that he wanted to hear all about Grandpa! It took me a while to be able to calm myself and to be able to tell him a few stories. I told him all about how we would bowl together and how he would swear, but that Grandma would always get mad at him! Then he would just swear under his breath thinking that we couldn't hear him! hahaha WE COULD! I told him about how he always wanted to take us kids to Wendy's whenever we would go out for our birthdays! ha I told him how when I was in little league grandpa tried to teach me how to throw a curve ball, but taught me wrong! I told him about all the times we went and picked oranges, and how the most resent time we went, I had to drive and pick, but he followed with his walker and told me that the ones I was picking were to small! Haha I told him "Grandpa if your going to complain about my oranges, you get up in this tree and pick them!" Then he would laugh that old laugh that we all remember and tell me that he wouldn't want to show me up in tree climbing! Haha I don't think Grandma even knows this next one, but when I was a senior in high school, Grandpa would call me during class and tell me that Grandma had just left to go shopping or to the church or something and that she would be gone for at least an hour. He would tell me to go to Wendy's and get him a frosty or to Lenny's and get him a root beer float! I would then jump the fence and ditch school to go in my truck to get us a treat! He always made me take the evidence with me though, cause no matter where we would hide things, Grandma always found it! So I would take the cups and throw them away at school once I got back. That was with out a doubt one of my favorite memories of Grandpa, that I don't think anyone even knew until right now. Haha No wonder I had such bad grades! I  was always at Grandpas eating ice cream! It's a wonder that we never got caught. Knowing mom and Grandma though, they probably knew!

I have been studying my scriptures the past few days on the plan of salvation, and have found some really amazing scriptures that have helped me not get over it, but to be able to deal with it better! I don't think I ever want to get over it fully, but I do want to be able to feel peace. I made a video this morning, for the cousins that I am trying to figure out how to send to you! What I may have to do, is have a member upload it to you-tube, and then send you the link and then just delete the video once I know you have watched it. I would like all the cousins to get together and watch it. I really have put a lot of time into it, and I think that it may help a little bit. I have one that I am trying to get to Kailei and Brad also, but the video files are to large. I may have to put them on dvds and them over night them to you if its not to much. We will see what I can do. Keep checking your emails the next few days, and see if I send you a link to something. It may just come in the mail the next few days. 

Honestly with all the trainings that Elder Peralta has had to go to becoming a new trainer, and the past few days with me not really being able to focus and work, the work hasn't been super great this week. We did have three investigators come to church which is great, and we are looking to set a few new baptismal dates this week if we can get in with them! It has been a rough week, but man has it been a revelatory week for me. I have come closer to the savior this week then ever before! I hope that everyone is doing ok, and that you are all staying close to each other. That is the only way to make it! I wish that I could be there with you all, but please know that I am there in spirit. Saturday night I was fully prepared to tell President that I wanted to just come home 6 months early, and be there to help support the family. But as I was preparing for my talk on Sunday and thinking about Grandpa and all the memories I had with him, I knew that that would be the biggest disrespect that I could do to him and his name! He would want me to stay and finish strong! I am so glad that I changed my mind set and got the spirit back with me, because Sunday after church we found the man that Grandpa was talking about that he saw in a dream!!! Ha I know that we all laughed and had no idea what he was talking about, but when he said that he had dreamed that there was a man looking for us, and that we needed to be ready to teach him he was serious! A very nice Native American man came into the church yesterday and told us that he had been looking for where the church was for the past month or so. He had looked at the church a few weeks ago, but didn't think it was the right place because we didn't have a cross on the church. He finally decided to come in and just ask if anyone knew where the mormon church was. We were standing right at the door when he walked in! We sat down right then in an open class room and taught him for like 2 hours!!! He had so many questions, but is very very interested. He is worried that he is not going to be able to keep his Navajo culture if he joins the church, but we are working with him to see what is ok that he does and what is not. His name is Sam Yazzie and he is actually from one of the Reservations in Arizona! We hit it off like right away, because I told him that Grandma Shelley had served on one of the Reservations. We talked a lot about the culture and about the spirit that he felt in the church! I am so glad that I was able to get the spirit back in me asap because if I hadn't, maybe the Lord wouldn't have put that man in our paths! Grandpa was so right when he told us that there was a man who was looking for us! I think we may have just found him too! 

I love this Gospel so much! I love you all as well. Thank you for the prayers that have gone out to my family in this time of need. We have really needed them, and will continue to need them. Please understand, and know that I have a very strong testimony of the Plan of Salvation! I understand that Grandpa is still here around us and that this is a time to try to celebrate his life and all the great memories that we were able to share with him. Take the time to mourn for him! It is needed and the thing to do, but be prepared to hit your knees and ask Heavenly Father to strengthen you and to help you through it! It is nothing but easy! I thought that it would take a lot longer for me to get ok with it then it did. But I truly believe that Grandpa helped me to feel comfortable. Tears still come to my eyes so easily. I cry in every prayer in every lesson, and anytime we talk about the plan of salvation. Our members and investigators have been so amazing about it though! They have truly been a strength to me and have helped me through this tough time! I am so thankful to have a mission president who would travel an hour to get to me and to let me tell him all the amazing stories about Grandpa! He gave me a blessing that changed my life too! He really loves us as missionaries and even told me that he would claim me as his son if given the choice! He told me how proud he is of me, and he said that I am a lot stronger then he would have been. He has really helped me through a tough time! I love my savior! I love that his atonement makes up for all the unfairness of life! His perfect atonement is the thing that made it possible for us to be an eternal family! I love this gospel so much! I love the temple and the fact that Grandpa and Grandma were able to get sealed those years ago and that we can know that they will be together with us all again! My heart goes out to our family and to Grandma especially! Please watch over her and make sure she knows how much I love her and that 7 months is going to fly by then I'll be there to help out again! The Savior lives! Grandpa lives! Grandpa is teaching the gospel now probably even better then I am. May we all live by his example and continue in faith in such a mighty work as this! Shall we not go on in so great a cause?! With all my love and prayers!

Love,
Elder Mackay Dale Shelley

ps the picture of course is of me at Wendy's in Grandpas memory of all the great times and memories that we shared!

San Fran district