The language kinda hit a stand still and it felt like I couldn't learn anything more. I was really struggling. I just kept praying asking for help and asking for my trials and problems to be lifted from me. Sunday night one of our district presidents- who by the way is my favorite person in the world asked how I was doing. I told him that I was at my breaking point.. I started crying which I don't do. I haven't cried here before this.. I told him that I didn't know what else to do. I have received blessings and have prayed for this to leave, but it seemed like nothing was working. He gave me a hug and told me that he has seen an amazing growth in me since I have been here. He told me to remember that the language is not the only part of being a missionary. He told me that he has seen me come out of my comfort zone quite a bit lately. I played piano in church on Sunday and actually did pretty well. He told me that he knew that that was not an easy thing for me to do, but as the music coordinator he said that I stepped up and played since there isn'tanyone else who can. I made a few mistakes but kept playing through. He said now about your language and struggles. When you pray what do you pray about? I told him that I thank God for helping me get to this point and I thank him for everything that he has ever given me. I bless my friends and family and then I ask him to release me from these trials. Then depending on the day there is always more just depends. He told me that that may be part of my problem. I have only been praying for myself. I put in 10% others 90% me. He told me that its totally fine to pray for myself but that I should be praying for my companion, my investigators, my teachers, thanking him for everything and then asking for things, but not making that part the focus. He challenged me to start truly studying the Christlike attributes in preach my gospel. He told me not to just study, but to take a few days per attribute and know literally everything about that attribute and then apply it to my life and gain that attribute. I told him I would try it and let him know. Well Monday morning I started at the first one and I just have to say WOW! What a difference. There is no way that you can be discouraged when you are studying the attributes of Christ! I sat down with my teachers and told them that I want them to tell me exactly what they think I lack as a missionary and as someone who is learning Cebuano. They are going to put a list together and give it to me tomorrow. I'm really going to try to take those things to heart and apply them so that when I get to the field in three weeks that my mission pres. knows that no matter where in the mission he needs me or what he needs me to do, I could do it! That's my goal. I'm done being down. I don't need to be sad all the time.
Guys I love you so much! You guys are my rock and are part of the reason that I'm able to keep going! Thank you for your advice and love that you put in your letters!
Going to the temple again today and can not wait! I have truly gained a great love for the temple and spending time in the celestial room! There is literally no other place on this earth that is anything like it! 99% of my revelation as a missionary has come from my time spent in there and I cannot wait until I get to do a session in the Cebu Temple!!! Going to be one amazing time. The more that we talk about the Philippines the more excited I get! Our teachers have started telling stories about things that have happened and I just want to get out there! I don't even care that I don't know the language very well that will come and I know it will. Thanks for the conference talk mom! That really did help!
Also keep me updated on the mission calls and home coming! Zack should be coming home pretty soon. I bet bishop is super excited about that! I love you guys so much I can't even describe it!
Ok time for my testimony. I hope that even through the complaints and the struggles that you can still see my testimony growing every week. I love this gospel! It is true! If you don't believe it then write me a letter. I'll give you scripture after scripture that will change your life! I have been reading the book of Mormon cover to cover and should be done before I leave here. But I swear it is not the same book that I read for stomp or for seminary. This book is written for ME and for YOU! study it! cross reference it! Know it more then you know anything else on this earth because without the book of Mormon we are nothing! If you don't believe anything else that I say believe that the book of Mormon is the word of god written for our time and our people! I cannot wait to be able to go and bring this good news to the people of the Philippineswouldn't invite the spirit! I did that for way to long and it is not worth it! Here real quick is my new favorite quote from elder Holland! "Come to the edge he said. "No, I will fall." Come to the edge he said! "No! I will Fall!" COME TO THE EDGE!!! he said. So I came to the edge, AND HE PUSHED ME!!!!!! And I flew! end quote. My friends and family my prayer is that we will all be willing to come to the edge with the savior. Let him push you! so that you too can fly! I have been to the edge with the savior. I stood at breaking point with him. He pushed me. I was at boiling point as I fell.. But as he promises, he healed me, and I'm about to fly! Please go to the edge. Don't just go through the motions of being an lds person! go to the edge and live your life like our savior Jesus Christ!
I love you guys with all my heart and I know that God loves you too! thanks for everything.
With Great love,
Elder Mackay Dale Shelley
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